You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
