Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
