I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
cat food counts as protein by the way
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
