Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
