I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
