I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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