he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Mom said you looked used
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
