In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
