Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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