I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
