Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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