Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
