yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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