she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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