Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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