Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
