Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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