i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
