An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
