Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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