I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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