Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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