i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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