I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
