I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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