He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
