Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
