It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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