No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
