i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
