I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
