you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
