So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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