there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
