Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
