thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
