Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
