I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
