sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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