very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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