your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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