I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
