Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
