I wish my penis had an off switch
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Houston, we have a blender
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
