He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How's work?
Spinning.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
