Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
