I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
