i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
