instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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