I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
