Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
