Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
