rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
